I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
