Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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