Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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