I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
3 2 1 whiskey
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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