it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
