Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
NoShamevember. You game?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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