i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
