walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
