RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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