I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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