Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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