Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
