Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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