I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
