Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
