I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
