She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My vagina is officially offended.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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