Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
