I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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