Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
