It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
