I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
