I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
