well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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