There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
