So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
