just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
