she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
