Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
