Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
