you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
