I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
