He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
