She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
