her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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