i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
