All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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