I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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