i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
