Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
