My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
