After last night, I could never be a politician.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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