I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize