I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
