Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
