So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
