im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
