Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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