Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
