p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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