He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
