Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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