there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
