Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
