atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
