the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
