I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is my gift to your gina
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
