is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
