jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize