We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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