mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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