I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
