reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
