i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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