Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sarcasm needs its own font
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
