Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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