Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
